@Blackbird : I understand. It was just 2 years ago when I was in this place. I was closer to my brother than my parents, he always took care of me and raised me. There were some pretty dark days after his death, but I made it through one minute at a time some days. I still have moments when it is too much. But the key phrase here is I made it. I am not going to tell you it will be easy, but you will make it. Just talk to your friends. If any of us on here can help, even just listen, I know I am not the only one willing. Take things as you can. If you look at the big picture, it is too much, small bits, small steps. I am so sorry, I know you didn't expect this. Please, take care of yourself and let others help when you need it.